Wednesday, September 19, 2012

I am wearing a size small shirt today!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Can you believe it?!!!!! ... OK so its one of those big small shirts, but still I am actually a medium!!!! and that is the first time that has ever happened! It feels really good when people see me and they can't recognize me or they tell me "Every time I see you it's like seeing a whole different person", and that's because I am a whole different person. It feels amazing to know that I have changed in so many ways and stayed the same in much others.

This is a little funny so I am going to share it with you guys...I uploaded this picture of me on Facebook and these are some comments:

Friend 1: "it just got hotter over here in ... cuz this showed up on my feed at .... woop!"
Friend 2: "guesss what i'm doing?"
Me: "Tearing up? :)" (this friend tears every time she sees me because she's so proud and yet sentimental)
Friend 2: "yes but i liked you better when you were jennifer hudson. now you are j.lo."
Me: "That's a lie. I'm still Jennifer. Besides she's skinny now too :)"
Friend 2: "you will never be jennifer, again. she was loved as who she came out as. now, she looks like everyone else. just dont get faded. love the eyes! those will never change"
LOL


I am SUPER EXCITED about how things are fairing out:

1. I am NOT having the Mental Breakdowns anymore!!! (At least not related to my body) I was going to go to a Psychologist but the ones that I spoke to were either too old and creepy so I didn't feel comfortable at all, or just couldn't relate with what was going on with me. ( I looked for ones that my health insurance would cover...it's official, I need new health insurance or just better Psychologists on the one I already have). SO, I went to my school's counseling center and the Psychologist I spoke to helped. She told me that according to her research with people that have had my operation, these kinds of outbursts were sometimes normal in people with my personality.

It is true I can be super difficult whenever I do not want to be cooperative and also I can be very in-denial when I want to be. And in this case I really didn't want to admit I was having a hard time. SO, I feel better, MUCH better. I don't look at myself with disgust anymore and that helps a lot.

2. I weighed myself this morning, and unless my treacherous weight scale was playing games on me, I am around 155-156 pounds, a size 10 (well fit). Soon i'll keep going to 150 and hopefully size 8 and then, the size that i really want to be, a 6.

3. Soon I will be starting Insanity, the dancing version of the program. I haven't started it yet because I am in the middle of taking my grad school admissions examinations and working but I still drink my shake and eat as healthy as possible.

4. My hormones are normal now, or at least in the process or being stabilized. My doctor said that because of my excessive weight gain I had excess amounts of Testosterone in my body which I didn't need so she prescribed birth control with extra estrogen and that has gone fairly well.

For now, I am just enjoying the fact that I feel so much better about myself not because I was ugly before and I'm pretty now, but because I'm healthy now. I've always known I was pretty I just didn't feel pretty or healthy. Here are a few pics...enjoy.